Description
WELCOME TO THE END TIMES TOUR — NOW IN TOTE FORM.
May 21, 2011. October 21, 2011. December 21, 2012. September 23, 2025. Four promised endings. Four no-shows. And here you are, still hauling groceries, books, and existential dread.
The End Times Tour Tote is your relic of survival. Styled like vintage concert merch, it lists every failed rapture date on the back, along with the parody lineup:
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✝️ Jesus & The Four Horsemen (Final Judgement Reunion)
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👣 Bigfoot & Friends (Spotted, but never confirmed)
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🎸 Elvis Presley (Hologram)
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🌌 The Mayan Calendar (2012 Was Just a Warm-Up)
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🔮 Nostradamus (Greatest Misses Tour)
Whether you pick the all-black tote (discreet cult membership) or the black with red handles (apocalyptic firestarter), you’re carrying more than a bag. You’re carrying proof of the world’s biggest no-show.
No refunds. No ascensions. Just extra storage space for the end times.
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